Friday, May 31, 2013

Arrested Development Season 4

Now the story of the show whose future got abruptly cancelled, and the one company who had no choice but to bring it back.


What We Know Going In

Arrested Development has been off the air more than twice as long as it was on it. Debuting in 2003, the story of the uptight, out-of-touch, obnoxious Bluth family hit home-runs with critics everywhere for its clever screenwriting. In the great tragedy of good art, though, what appealed to critics was hopelessly ill-suited for the general public, and the show was axed at the end of its third season. This was due to two factors. The first (according to Internet groundswell) was that Fox is the reason we can never have nice things. (See Firefly, Futurama, and Wonderfalls). But it was also due to Arrested's singular format: unlike the standard sitcom, viewers simply could not jump in at any point, and they couldn't appreciate it without paying fierce attention. Littered with subtle sight-gags, Easter eggs, stunningly inappropriate double entendres, and near-infinite self-referential humor, Arrested rewarded nothing less than devotion. Unfortunately, that wasn't a stellar business model back in the 'Naughts (cue sad music).

To the delight of many fanboys (of which I am one) and fangirls (of which I am not one), Netflix breathed new life/dollars into the franchise, purchasing a fourth season that would debut only on Netflix, and debut all at once—freeing fans to watch the entire season in a single sitting, if they so desired (and had 8 straight hours to burn). The Internet went gaga over the announcement, since Arrested works best on a binge-watching schedule. So, did they succeed, or were they too chicken?

What We Found Out

Season Four tackles the adventures of the Bluth family five years after their ill-fated boat party at the end of Season Three. Utilizing a very LOST-like flashback/flashforward structure, it flits between "5 Years Ago" and "Currently." Additionally, every episode deals with only one character in particular, following his or her capers as they brush against everyone else's (savvy fans will catch onto this quickly and start noticing every time another character invades someone else's plot). The touch-and-release-and-touch-again storytelling technique turns the season into something like a jigsaw puzzle, with the full picture only coming into view halfway through the season.

The new season of Arrested does, indeed, work better in the new format. While Fox aired the show, Hurwitz worked with a slew of constraints, from time to content to complexity. The Netflix format has removed every single one of those. Season Four's episodes average more than 32 minutes and are unfettered by commercials or the FCC. Plot-lines diverge and intersect and then intersect again (two or three or fifteen times), in such a way that the story only makes complete sense with all the context, because almost every single development begins and ends with the Bluth family. It's a twisted, complicated sort of Rube Goldberg machine, all designed to ruin the Bluths.

That, in fact, is where this story most notably diverges from the first three seasons of Arrested Development. In the original run, the Bluths—though hopelessly inept and generally despicable—survived through shady deals and plot-armor. Like scum on the top of a pond, they were universally despised, but impossible to drag off the top for long. 

That rule is off the table for Season Four. Every one of the Bluths is entering the lower ends of their downward spirals. Michael, formerly the only sane man in the family, has descended into full-fledged neuroticism. His siblings are enslaved even more powerfully to their vices, and Mama and Papa Bluth have reached the end of their respective ropes. Even Maeby and George-Michael get in on the grown-up fun, digging themselves deeper and deeper into the self-destructive traditions of their ancestors. The show gets steadily darker as the characters burrow into their strident flaws, and ranges from rollicking hilarity to cringe-inducing.

I won't go into detail about every episode, because—contrary to many other shows—most of the enjoyment results from the surprises, rather than the meat in between them. (Due largely to its status as a comedy, I suspect. Knowing the punchline often ruins a joke, whereas a story can be enjoyed even after you know the ending. Arrested Development is a story, sort of, but it's much more of an extended, complicated joke.)

I will note, though, that this season strides bravely into territory it hasn't explored yet. Rather than cashing in only on old jokes, it spends lots and lots and lots of time laying groundwork for new ones. The characters are thrust into situations we've never seen them in, and boots that have been hovering over everyone for three seasons have finally thumped down on them.

What's Good?

The new season is brilliant. There's no denying it. It takes some time to get there—as with the former seasons, Arrested still rewards nothing less than long-term investment—but when we finally reach the mid-season mark, all the payoff finally starts arriving. The caricatures are just as extreme and delightfully absurd as they used to be. The show still finds innumerable giggles in irreverent wordplay and ridiculously intricate in-jokes, and it is absurdly good at that.

What's Bad?

As I mentioned, it does take quite a long while for the season's payoff to arrive. Viewers who aren't into the obsessive-fan gimmick will not enjoy it very much, because Arrested requires dedication. It's labor-intensive. You've got to work to enjoy it.

In addition, the show has exactly no moral boundaries. Some jokes are relatively innocent wordplay ("My bees are dropping like flies, and I need them to fly like bees"), but they descend quickly into depraved and uncomfortable subjects. It's not a family show in even the loosest sense of the term.

Perhaps the objectively worst aspect of the new season, though, is that nothing is resolved by the end. Every single character is left out on a limb (or drunk at the bottom of the tree), with no particular ending in sight. It's shameless sequel bait, and will leave many viewers dissatisfied, especially if Hurwitz doesn't get to make a movie like he wants to, or if he can't arrange for a fifth season. (This season barely got made in the first place—not because of a lack of money, but because all its actors are involved in other things, which is what forced the unusual "focus on one character per episode" structure. You'll get to know the backs of their heads like never before!)

So, then...

Is it quality? Yes. In terms of comedic storytelling, Arrested Development's newest season is nearly peerless. Its earlier seasons still beat it out in terms of quality, but it's leagues better than most comedies on the market today.
Is it family-friendly? Not by a long way.
Is it daring? 100% yes.
What's the rating? 7/10. Would watch again, but only to catch what I missed.

Her?

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Doctor Who Season 3

A new Companion, who is not Rose Tyler. Well, that's one point in your favor, Martha Jones.

What We Know Going In

Last season, David Tennant arrived and kickstarted the New Age of popular Doctor Who. He got his hand lopped off in a sword fight, defeated enemies from creepy cat-nurses to Cybermen to Daleks (again), and fell head over heels for Rose Tyler, Queen of Obnoxiousness. In the final episode, Rose Tyler made her long-awaited exit and Doc moped around silently before being rudely interrupted by Catherine Tate, who has been inexplicably teleported inside the TARDIS to set up next season's Christmas special, which I somehow suspect will not be revolutionary television.

What We Found Out

Goodbye, Rose Tyler, and hello, brave new world. Let's find out what Season 3 has to offer (spoiler warning).

3.00, The Runaway Bride: Catherine Tate is actually Donna Noble, a grating, graceless bride-to-be who has been robbed of her wedding day because of alien schemes. Despite the fact that she's written to be the most irritating human in the history of interstellar development, I like her quite a lot. Ostensibly, she should be completely unlikable, except that she has (1) a clear, driving desire and (2) great vulnerability. Nobody in her world likes her, and she's trying desperately to make up for it. Despite her lack of skills, social or practical, she's purely human. The only thing she can offer to the Doctor is her conscience, which is really the only thing he's lacking, and it comes hugely into play in this episode. That said, it's a Christmas special and it's a Davies, so the facepalm quotient in this episode is ridiculously high. 2/5

3.01, Smith and Jones: Martha Jones, medical student, is abducted (along with her hospital) by space-rhinoceroses/mercenary policemen, who teleport it to the moon. We learn quickly that Martha's smart, dedicated, driven, and capable. (That is to say, she's everything Rose Tyler wasn't.) The space-rhinos are looking for a shapeshifting salt-vampire, putting the Doctor (who looks human, but isn't) at risk. He solves all the problems of the episode by kissing Martha Jones, setting up a full season of something like romantic tension. He asks Martha to join him for "just one trip." 3/5

3.02, The Shakespeare Code: Doc and Martha travel to 1599, where they meet Shakespeare, who is apparently "the most human human who ever lived." The writing falls flat (because it's very difficult to write lines for Shakespeare without seeming like an idiot), and the climax relies on Shakespeare mastering what is essentially an alien magic system. Meh. 2/5

3.03, Gridlock: Doc takes Martha to New Earth, which you may remember was also this version's first date with Rose Tyler. Martha points this out (irritably), just before being kidnapped, trapped in a car, and told she'll be there for about...ten years. The planet has been the victim of a lethal airborne virus, but everyone trapped on the lower level of society was spared, and everyone trying to drive from the lower end to the higher end is stuck in a looped freeway. The Face of Boe, Doc's old buddy, sacrifices himself to save everyone, and gives Doc a cryptic message with his dying breath: "You are not alone." 4/5

3.04, Daleks in Manhattan: The Cult of Skaro, a group of four Daleks charged with devising new strategies for Dalek survival, are kidnapping homeless folk from a Hooverville in 1920's New York. Their leader, DaaaaaalekSec, merges with human being Mr. Diagoras, forming the first Dalek-human hybrid (and the first remotely threatening Dalek I've seen so far). 4/5

3.05, Evolution of the Daleks: DaaaaalekSec/Mr. Diagoras (Mr. Dalekoras from here on out) begs Doc to help him turn an army of corpses, originally meant to be turned into Daleks, into a race of Dalek-humans, who will have all the advantages of Dalek but with the additive of human emotion. His fellow Daleks disapprove of the plan, and so sabotage it, a plan which the Doctor foils. Also, the Daleks finally kill a real character, instead of just a redshirt. 5/5

3.06, The Lazarus Experiment: Doc and Martha return to modern-day London, where Dr. Lazarus is exhibiting an experiment designed to make him young again (ho ho subtlety!). Unfortunately, it has the nasty side effect of turning him into a human-eating monster. Doc and Martha conquer him, but Mama Jones is beginning to suspect her daughter's "friend" is more sinister than he seems. 3/5

3.07, 42: Doc and Martha land on a spaceship which has 42 minutes before it will fall into a sun. To add to the danger, the ship's crew are being infected by some manner of spirit, which demands that everyone "Burn with me." Like "The Impossible Planet" and "The Satan Pit," this episode is classic sci-fi, almost to the point of not technically being a Who story. It's reinforced by a real-time ticking clock, a la 24, and Martha Jones solves just as many problems as Rose Tyler would have caused. 4/5

3.08, Human Nature: Doc and Martha run afoul of a family of hunters powerful enough to chase the TARDIS no matter where, or when, it goes. However, they have a limited lifespan, and they didn't see Doc's face or Martha's, meaning they can only trace the smell of "Time Lord." To escape them, Doc relinquishes his Time Lord powers and his memory, putting them in a fob watch and becoming a fully-fledged human. He and Martha take up disguises at a boarding school in 1913 England, where Doc starts falling in love with the school nurse. Also, Viserys becomes a creepy possessed schoolboy, and Jojen Reed is a psychic. My, but these Brits do play to type. 5/5

3.09, The Family of Blood: Human!Doc and Servant!Martha foil the plans of the Family of Blood, the hunters from last episode. The episode is tight, powerful, and poignant, not least because of the Doctor's punishments for the villains—all of which amount, essentially, to eternal torment. I love it. 5/5

3.10, Blink: Possibly the best-known episode for non-Who fans, this episode introduces the Weeping Angels, the first honest-to-goodness terrifying Who villain ever. The Doctor makes very few appearances in this episode, granting the lead role to Carey Mulligan instead. The episode is tight and powerful, involving a fond time-travel trope, wherein someone is sent to the past and arranges for a message to be sent to their former present. 

I do suspect, though, that this episode was written for season two, because Martha Jones does not sound like Martha Jones. She sounds like Rose Tyler. Apart from that, though, this episode is far and away the best one to show to non-Whovians. It stands perfectly well on its own and artfully incorporates all the best elements of Doctor Who. 5/5

3.11, Utopia: In the first of a three-part finale, Doc and Martha encounter Cap'n Jack, who clings to the TARDIS as it flies right to the end of the universe, in the year 100 trillion. There they meet the last humans ever—because humans are the most resilient of species, of course, and will survive until the final gasping breaths of creation—who are trying desperately to escape to Utopia. (How about that—from our start to our finish, we're always looking for paradise.) They're being aided by Professor Yana, a kindly genius with a fob watch suspiciously similar to the one Doc had when he relinquished his Time Lord powers. In the climax, Yana (an acronym of "You Are Not Alone," the Face of Boe's last words) opens the watch and becomes a Time Lord named the Master. He cackles maniacally and steals the TARDIS, though not before Doc does something to it with his magic wan—er, sonic screwdriver. The episode ends with Doc, Martha, and Cap'n Jack holding off a horde of monsters while the humans escape to Utopia and Yana absconds with the TARDIS. 4/5

3.12, The Sound of Drums: Using Cap'n Jack's nifty teleport device (coupled with Doc's magic wand sonic screwdriver), the team escapes the imminent threat of monsters. In any other circumstance, this would be pretty lame, but in this one, they manage to leap straight from the frying pan to the fire. The Master has been present all throughout the season under the pseudonym Mr. Saxon, a politician whom everybody likes, though they can't figure out why. Turns out he's been manipulating them all psychically, infecting their minds with a catchy drum beat (just go with it). 

Having secured the office of Prime Minister of Britain, he initiates a plan to take over the world by overwhelming it with six billion Toclafane (like this thing, except they have lasers, knives, and sociopathic tendencies). Doc attempts to stop him, and the Master defeats him easily, using the Lazarus Project technology to catapult Doc into senectitude. (Which is odd, since Time Lords canonically "don't age," according to "School Reunion," but okay, let's roll with it.) The Master takes complete control of the planet, and Martha Jones escapes, barely, to mount a resistance for next episode. 4/5

3.13, Last of the Time Lords: One year later, Martha Jones returns to Britain, after traveling the world on an errand to save the Doctor's life. (All I can think, of course, is how lucky Doc is to have Martha doing this, rather than Rose. Rose would have cried for a while before flouting the Doctor's instructions and storming the castle with no plan or hope of success.) Martha, by contrast, does exactly what the Doctor tells her to, up to and including executing a flawless gambit against the Master.

(Point of interest: the Master makes some crack about how Doc's last companion could "take in the Time Vortex! This one's useless!" Well, jolly off to you, too, Mr. Saxon. Martha earned this victory.)

Anyway, in the denouement, everyone on Earth simultaneously thinks "doctor" and, because of the Master's psychic network, this girds Doc in god-armor.

NO NO NO NO NO. DEUS EX DOCTORUS. WHY MUST YOU DO THIS THING?

Admittedly, it's the least awful Deus Ex Doctorus in the history of the show, but it's still pretty irritating. Oh, well.

God!Doctor descends upon the Master and says, "I forgive you," which is an incredibly powerful moment. The team then moves on to solving the seasons problems: it turns out the Toclafane are actually the humans from episode 11. "How's that possible?" you ask. "They can't hurt their ancestors! They would destroy themselves!" Doc kindly explains that it's only possible because the Master turned the TARDIS into a Paradox Machine, allowing him to break the rules of space-time.

Sigh. Just go with it.

After sending the Toclafane back to the future, the Paradox Machine hits a hard reset on the universe, pulling everything back one year and erasing the events of the last episode. This is exceptionally irritating, because now everything we've just watched and been invested in doesn't matter, as it never happened. Oh, Russel T. Davies, you were doing so well.

In the final scene, Martha gracefully takes her exit—an exceptionally mature act that Rose Tyler never would have accomplished. (Truly, it boggles the mind that the Doctor never fell for Martha Jones.) So long, Martha. We will dearly miss your ability to conquer plot problems without becoming a minor god. 4/5

What's Good?

I won't dwell on this part, because the list could get ridiculously long. From Martha Jones to the resolution of dangling plot threads dating back to the second episode of the series, Season 3 outshines its younger brothers by a factor of ten. The Doctor becomes more human (including one episode in which he actually becomes human), the plot is well-woven, and the companion is a smart, driven character who contributes more than a pouty face and a whine. (I swear that's the last Rose Tyler crack I make. Promise.)

Overall, this season is smart, sharp, and intriguing. In fact, if you ever end up recommending Who to your friends, tell them to start with this season and pretend everything before it is unrevealed backstory. It works better that way.

What's Bad?

It's the same old song, folks: Deus Ex Doctorus, inconsistent magic, and Russel T. Davies—although they are all problems to a seriously lesser extent this season than last. Davies's episodes have taken a sharp uptick in quality (notably "Gridlock," with this scene), though they're still a bit erratic, ranging from very strong to unimpressive. The magic system, though becoming more discernible, is still mostly unconcerned with constancy. And Deus Ex Doctorus only shows up in one episode this season!

So, then...

Is it quality? I can finally say it: yes. This season is quality. Not extremely high-quality, not yet, but quality nonetheless.
Is it family friendly? Mostly, yes. Certain sequences can get scary, but Doctor Who largely avoids needless foul language or violence, and skips raciness entirely.
Is it daring? Increasingly, yes. Doctor Who is striding into territory it hasn't explored yet, and it's wonderful.
What's the rating? 8.3/10. WE ARE GETTING THERE, GUYS. THE FANBOYS AREN'T COMPLETELY NUTS.

He was being kind.

Friday, May 24, 2013

The Name of the Wind (Patrick Rothfuss)

This book. This book.

My name is Kvothe, pronounced nearly the same as "quothe." Names are important as they tell you a great deal about a person. I've had more names than anyone has a right to. The Adem call me Maedre. Which, depending on how it's spoken, can mean The Flame, The Thunder, or The Broken Tree.

"The Flame" is obvious if you've ever seen me. I have red hair, bright. If I had been born a couple of hundred years ago I would probably have been burned as a demon. I keep it short but it's unruly. When left to its own devices, it sticks up and makes me look as if I have been set afire.

"The Thunder" I attribute to a strong baritone and a great deal of stage training at an early age.

I've never thought of "The Broken Tree" as very significant. Although in retrospect, I suppose it could be considered at least partially prophetic.

My first mentor called me E'lir because I was clever and I knew it. My first real lover called me Dulator because she liked the sound of it. I have been called Shadicar, Lightfinger, and Six-String. I have been called Kvothe the Bloodless, Kvothe the Arcane, and Kvothe Kingkiller. I have earned those names. Bought and paid for them. 

But I was brought up as Kvothe. My father once told me it meant "to know."

I have, of course, been called many other things. Most of them uncouth, although very few were unearned.

I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep.

You may have heard of me.

That's the back cover of The Name of the Wind, debut novel from Patrick Rothfuss. For your enjoyment, I've read the whole thing and am here to tell you if it's good or not—though, really, if those italics didn't make you shiver, this review might do you no good.

What We Know Going In

Name of the Wind is a fantasy novel. Depending on which cover you see, it might be standard fantasy fare, a little weird, or the story of how Carrot Top learned to play lute after he lost his shirt. It's the first in a trilogy and critics and authors alike dig it. Based on the back cover, I'm inclined to agree with them. 

What We Found Out

A man in hiding from his past recounts his life story—from the day his family was butchered by demons, to his time as a street urchin, to his training in magic, to his eventual immortalization as a legend in his own time.

As you might have gathered from the smorgasbord of hyperlinks, this story is Troperiffic. In the tradition of Neil Gaiman's Sandman, this is a story about stories, and as such it gets very, very meta. The book itself is a frame story: it begins in third-person, observing the interactions of a mild-mannered innkeeper, and then sits the innkeeper down and asks for his life story. (It makes sense in context.) His story involves even more stories, and they're all told with the same extraordinary command of language as the back cover.

What's Good?

Rothfuss's prose is gorgeous. Word geeks will love reading this book just for the experience. Rothfuss's great strength is in replicating the feel of bardic storytelling on paper. The main story is narrated verbally by Kvothe, and it feels like a story being told, rather than written.

Apart from that, Kvothe is a fascinating, extraordinary character. Everyone in this story is sharply drawn, but Kvothe, as the primary protagonist, gets more attention and more development, and it's wonderful to experience. He's also mercilessly witty, which is hilarious to read.

What's Bad?

The plot's a bit kudzu-like, and Kvothe has been accused of being obnoxious and invincible. These are valid claims. Kvothe wins at things a lot. And he is a real jerk sometimes. He's not really the sort of person you would want to hang out with. He can be mean, selfish, and cruel to a huge degree. (Note, though, that these are criticisms of his personality. Kvothe is a bad person, but a great character.)

The book is also pretty long, clocking in around 259,000 words (Order of the Phoenix is 257k, Fellowship of the Ring is 187k, to give you an idea. Source). For people with little free time, it's a major commitment, especially since it's the first of three.

So, then...

Is it quality? Yes. Grade-A fantasy by all accounts.
Is it family-friendly? In large part. Recommended: age 10+
Is it daring? Very much. Though it incorporates all sorts of tropes, it plays around with them to such a degree that they're unnoticeable.
What's the rating? 10/10. Would read again, repeatedly.

Vorfelan Rhinata Morie.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Doctor Who Season 2


Let this stand as the season wherein I said, "I understand why they like it."

What We Know Going In

The first season of the cult British series was maddeningly awful in most places. Despite some bits of brilliance, and the wholly unfettered performance from Christopher Eccleston, Season One struggled under the weight of Russel T. Davies' abysmal screenwriting, an epidemic of Deus Ex Doctorus, and the unsolvable problem of Rose Tyler, who is a whole host of bad adjectives ranging from "obnoxious" to "useless." At the end of the season, Useless swallowed up the time vortex and used her sudden influx of god-powers to solve all the problems of the season. This action necessitated her death, which would have been a good thing, except that Doctor #9 kissed the time vortex out of her, sacrificing himself. At least, sacrificing that iteration of himself: he regenerated immediately into David Tennant, Doctor #10 and perhaps the show's most iconic figure. If my sources are correct, Tennant ushers in a new age of Doctor Who, dragging the whole series into higher quality. Here's hoping.

What We Found Out

Tennant does, in fact, usher in a whole new age of Doctor Who, but the quality doesn't show up immediately. Let's look in more detail (spoilers).

2.00, The Christmas Invasion: While the Doctor naps in an attempt to regenerate, an army of aliens show up on Earth to feed off his energy (because, of course, the world revolves around the Doctor). Useless, Useless's Mom, and Useless's Whipped Ex-Boyfriend have to figure out how to stave them off for several hours while Doc regenerates, giving them all a chance to show off how handicapped they are. Useless nearly succeeds in distracting the aliens, but ultimately fails. Never fear, though! Doc wakes up, apparently after imbibing tea (how very British of him). He fends off the invaders through a duel with a sword, and sends them away peacefully, only for the British government to vaporize them. The British PM thinks this was a wise decision because, y'know, ALIEN INVADERS, but the Doc disagrees, and deposes the leader whom he predicted would usher in Britain's Golden Age. So, in sum, Deus Ex Doctorus, Deus Est Doctorus, and Moralitas est Doctorus. 1/5

2.01, New Earth: Rose and the Doctor fly into the future, where Earth is peaceful and harmonious. They visit a hospital with a sinister secret: the nun-nurses (who are cat-people) have a horde of humans in their basement, all created for the express purpose of having deadly diseases so the cat-nurses can study/cure those diseases. A very meh episode, in all. 2/5

2.02, Tooth and Claw: Doc and Rose visit 19th Century Scotland and meet Queen Victoria. Rose spends the entire episode trying to get Queen Vicky to say "We are not amused" (and we really aren't, Rose why won't you just shut up already) while sinister monks sic a werewolf on everybody. Also a generally meh episode, but ties into the myth arc: Torchwood, which is this season's Big Mystery. 2/5

2.03, School Reunion: Mickey alerts Doc&Useless to a school which seems sinister. They infiltrate it by masquerading as a physics teacher and a lunch lady, meaning Useless talks less which is always a good thing. They meet Sarah Jane Smith and K-9, a former Companion and a robot dog (respectively) from the old Doctor Who series, and together discover that the school is run by bat-people who are using children's brains to crack the Universe Code and achieve godhood. 

Notably, this is the first episode in which the Doctor is vilified instead of worshiped and that is wonderful. Sarah Jane Smith serves as a sharp foil to the Doctor, pointing out that he only keeps mortals around while they're young and pretty and then dumps them without warning back into a mundane life. THANK YOU SARAH JANE SMITH FOR POINTING THIS OUT. THIS NEEDED TO BE SAID. Also, Mickey gets some satisfying character development and Anthony Head as the vampire principal is terrifying. 4/5

2.04, The Girl in the Fireplace: Doc, Useless, and Mickey land on a derelict spaceship which has time-windows open to the life of Madame du Pompadour, a French aristocrat/mistress. She's being menaced by creepy robots wearing party masks, which was unsettling in the preview but only mildly worrying in the episode itself. The robots are trying to harvest the lady's brain so they can restart their ship, while the Doctor ends up being her guardian angel. Drawn to a satisfying conclusion, though the saddening conclusion rings hollow because the only reason it's sad is that the Doctor made an exceedingly stupid mistake. It's Diabolus Ex Doctorus, which is a welcome change but still unsatisfying. Still, 5/5

2.05, Rise of the Cybermen: In an alternate universe, Bartemius Crouch Sr. creates a race of cybernetic people, Useless tries to reunite with her dead father again, and transhumanism gets generally disdained. 2/5

2.06, The Age of Steel: Bartemius Crouch Jr. and his tagalongs foil Bartemius Crouch Sr.'s plans to convert the entire human race into low-grade aluminum Cylons. Fortunately, however, most of the climax is solved by Helpless Mickey, rather than Doc—a very welcome change. 4/5

2.07, The Idiot's Lantern: Television serves as a tool to steal the faces/voices/selves of the British citizenry. (How subtle.) Also, Doc gets very worked up about Rose being one of these faceless things. I can't for the life of me fathom why—it's not as if she contributes that much. 3/5

2.08, The Impossible Planet: In a story that is true, honest-to-goodness Scifi-Horror, Doc and Useless land on a barren asteroid, inhabited by a research crew and creepy telepathic slaves that look like this. The asteroid is inexplicably lodged in a geostationary orbit around a black hole. Doc loses the TARDIS  in an earthquake, the archaeologist gets possessed (see picture), and people start dying. It's creepy and terrifying and exceptionally well-done. 5/5

2.09, The Satan Pit: In the follow-up, Doc explores the hole in the center of the asteroid, finding that all myths are true when he has a run-in with the original Satan. Meanwhile, Satan telepathically menaces Useless and the rest of the crew, predicting that Rose Tyler will soon die in battle (YES! YES! YES! HOORAY!). Everyone escapes, Doc and the TARDIS are reunited, and Useless manages not to screw everything up completely. 5/5

2.10, Love and Monsters: My immediate reaction to the opener of this episode was, "Please, no, not more Davies episodes. You can't do this to us!" I was, however, pleasantly surprised.

Doc and Useless have almost no direct contact to this particular storyline, in which a group of socially inept Brits gather once weekly to hang out and discuss the Doctor. (Wow, really subtle commentary on your target audience there.) Their meetings quickly grow to resemble church services (wherein the Doctor is God, surprise surprise) until a fat man with eczema shows up and whips them into shape, determined to find the Doctor. Elton, our protagonist, grows tired of this mission and attempts to liberate his fellow Doctorites from Eczema-man's fist, only to find that he's an alien and he's been eating them. The Doc shows up in the last five minutes, but only in time to pick up pieces, and he's wonderfully uninvolved in the climax. 4/5

2.11, Fear Her: A fascinating concept ("schoolgirl gains godlike power to create or trap things using her colored pencils and imagination") gets wasted on weak writing and a child actress who, for all that she tries, just can't keep pace with Tennant, or the script. Also, the Doctor gets to light the Olympic Torch because hey, why not? 2/5

2.12, Army of Ghosts: Russel T. Davies returns for the two-part finale, and I shudder. The episode opens with Useless explaining that "this is the story of how [she] died." (I had to step away for a moment, so I could react appropriately.)

The world has been invaded by ghosts, but everyone got acclimated to it within two months. (Really? Really? America is still jazzed at the fact that we finally elected a black president, and black people have been on this planet, like, the whole time. Humans are not this good at accepting new things. -10 points.) Turns out that the ghost phenomenon originates at Torchwood, the anti-alien institute Queen Victoria set up after being attacked by a werewolf. They're meddling with the fabric of space-time, and this eventually results in a global catastrophic event: an invasion by Cybermen. 

But that's not all! It turns out that the Cybermen were just hitchhiking through dimensional cracks. The real villains are, once again...the Daleks. 2/5

2.13, Doomsday: Daleks vs. Cybermen vs. Doctor #10. As per usual, the universe drops a neat solution into the Doctor's lap, this time in the form of "void stuff" and a trans-dimensional vacuum cleaner. The place in between universes is called "the void," or sometimes hell, and it leaves residue when you travel through it. The Cybermen and the Daleks have all spent lots of time inside the void, meaning that when Doc opens it up, they're all sucked in, because the void draws all void-things back into itself. However, because Useless&Co. have all been to another universe, they have void-stuff on them, too. The Doctor is forced to sacrifice Rose—sending her into an alternate dimension, the one place he can't go—in order to save the world. It's Deus Ex Doctorus again, but this time it costs him, and the cost is Rose Tyler. (Pardon me while I rejoice again.)

The episode closes with Doc burning up a sun so he can project himself through a crack in the universe, in order to say goodbye to Useless. Useless immediately asks him if he can come through, to which he says:

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse."

To which Useless says...

"So?"

You know what, Rose Tyler? Good riddance.

Doc almost confesses that he loves her, but the projection times out before his dramatic silence is finished, and Rose Tyler is deprived of the chance to be worshiped one final time. Doc sets about grieving quietly aboard the TARDIS, but there is no doubt in my mind that poor Mickey—who will marry Rose despite herself, and despite the Doctor—will never see Rose get over this one moment, where the god of time and adventure almost said "I love you." (Rose Tyler is a bottomless pit of self-absorption and destruction, and I will not miss her even a little.) 3/5

What's Good?

Everything in this season takes a noticeable uptick in quality, though it takes three or four episodes to get there. Davies only writes six of them, and half of those episodes are even palatable. The Impossible Planet and The Satan Pit are extraordinary, School Reunion is a strong departure from the "Let's worship the Doctor!" philosophy, and Doomsday finally did away with Rose Tyler (and it even did it in a satisfactory way!). Tennant takes a few episodes to stride fully into the Doctor's shoes, but by 2.02, he's fully in command of the Doctor's persona. It's easy to see why Whovians love him.

What's Bad?

As before, so too now: Russel T. Davies, Rose Tyler, Deus Ex Doctorus and the inconsistent magic system. In defense of this season, however, none of these elements are as bad as they were in Season 1. Davies' writing gets better near the end of the season and Rose assumes her destined role in the distant past. The Deus Ex Doctorus problem and the inconsistencies in the magic system are moderated a little bit (though not entirely—most of the Doctor's problems are still solved by elements introduced in the third act, and he's rarely responsible for them existing). Skip Christmas Invasion, New Earth, and Tooth and Claw if you have the choice; they add little to nothing to the story.

So, then...

Is it quality? Yes, in places. It's getting there.
Is it family-friendly? Depending on one's scale, yes. The monsters could potentially scare young viewers, and particularly young children might develop a pathological fear of toilet plungers. Those, however, are the only major content issues.
Is it daring? Getting there. Meeting Satan and removing Rose Tyler were both steps in the right direction.
What's the rating? For the second season: 6.8/10, a marked improvement. Just remove Davies, guys. Everything will be okay once you remove Davies, I promise.

Allons-y.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Doctor Who Season 1

The fans might track me down and kill me for this.

Not being much of a Whovian (yet), I'm ideally placed to approach it in a cold, calloused manner. For those of you who do not watch Doctor Who, I shall be your pioneer, striding fearlessly through nonsense, disorder, and the truly abominable work of Russell T. Davies in order to bring you news about what is and isn't worth watching.

What We Know Going In:

Dr. Who is a British sci-fi series and the longest-running sci-fi series in the history of anything ever. It chronicles the adventures of the Doctor (whose name we don't know), as he journeys through space and time in his blue telephone booth. He's always accompanied by a human companion, who serves as a conscience, a friend, and (always important) an audience stand-in so the Doctor can exposit about the exotic locales he's visiting. From the general opinion, we can confidently assume it will be full of corniness and cheesiness, but that may be redeemable.

What We Found Out:

Most of our preconceived suspicions are, in fact, correct.

In the first season of Doctor Who, the eponymous Doctor is played by Christopher Eccleston, who is brooding and fond of the word "fanTASTic." His superfluous human companion is Rose Tyler (Billie Piper), possibly the most obnoxious character I have ever encountered. 

I've compiled a list, summary, and general grading of all 13 episodes. They're graded on a 5 scale, rather than my normal 10, since I'm doing 13 episodes at once. Also, Doctor Who is its own grading scale, and general consensus is that the first season is "not half as good as the others." Here's the skinny (and the spoilers): 

1.01, Rose: The Doctor appears in London to combat an alien race who are...mannequins, whom he defeats by dropping a potion (which was specifically designed to destroy them) onto their leader's head. He meets Rose Tyler, takes an inexplicable liking to her, and invites her to join him on his adventures throughout time and space. Because she's got nothing better to do and wants nothing out of life but a buzz, she hops aboard. 1/5.

1.02, The End of the World: The Doctor and Rose jet off to the year 5 billion to watch the Earth get destroyed. The villain of the week tries to murder everyone aboard the viewing ship, and the Doctor stops her—this time by sacrificing the life of a background character who (again, inexplicably) fell in love with the Doctor in about five minutes flat. 1/5.

1.03, The Unquiet Dead: The TARDIS lands in Nineteenth Century London, where the populace are being threatened by zombies. Once again, the problem is solved by a background character sacrificing herself. This time, at least, she does it because she feels a responsibility to do so, rather than because the Doctor made her feel like a woman. Notably, this is the first episode not written by Davies, and it's the first episode that did not, in my estimation, unapologetically suck. 4/5

1.04, Aliens of London: London is taken over by farting body-snatchers. 0/5
1.05, World War Three: A continuation of last episode (with—I cannot emphasize this enough—farting body-snatchers). To no one's surprise, the Doctor saves the day with almost no effort on his part...again. For no stated reason, he knows the master passcode to the world's nuclear programs. And it's always the same password. And it's buffalo. And if you're ever threatened with a bomb, just hide underneath the cupboards! It's perfectly safe! 

The face does not exist that is large enough for the palm I wish to slap against it. Even the appearance by Penelope Wilton can't rescue this heap. 0/5

1.06, Dalek: The Doctor encounters one of his old enemies, and one of the most iconic DW villains. Uninitiated as I am, I still cannot respect Daleks as a threat. It's all very well that they have such efficient guns, but my goodness, they're on wheels! They cannot properly handle stairs! The only things they ever kill are redshirts! STUPID redshirts! Anyway, the Doctor wins the day again, this time because the Dalek has been redeemed by Rose Tyler. Admittedly, this episode is not irredeemable; it shows a whole lot about the Doctor's character, particularly that he's a ruthless, unrepentant war criminal who's not so different from the things he fights. 4/5

1.07, The Long Game: The Doctor, Rose, and their new hitchhiker land in the year 200,000, where they're supposed to find the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire. Instead they find things being run by a newspaper. After an intensely forgettable episode (but a surprise appearance by Simon Pegg!), the Doctor wins again, and ditches his lame hitchhiker companion. 2/5

1.08, Father's Day: Rose and the Doctor return to the day Rose's father died. In a twist that surprises no one, Rose commits the Great Time Travel Crime and prevents a Major Incident from occurring. This summons demon-bats from the cracks in time (because nothing the Doctor has done so far has required paradox police, no sir). Apart from the transgression against consistency, it's an emotional episode. 4/5

1.09, The Empty Child: The TARDIS arrives in 1941 London. We meet Captain Jack Harkness (just amusing enough not to be irredeemable), a female Peter Pan (sort of), and an intensely creepy child who just wants to know if you're his mommy. Also marks the first Moffat episode this season, and I don't think it's coincidence that it's the first of its kind with a perfect score. 5/5
1.10, The Doctor Dances: A continuation of last episode. Emotional, complex, and indicative of Moffat's style. There's almost no Deus Ex Doctorus, which makes these two episodes unique among their fellows. 5/5

1.11, Boom Town: An extra sequel in the Farting Bodysnatchers plot-line (WHY MUST THIS THING EXIST?), and sets up the denouement of the final episodes. 2/5

1.12, Bad Wolf: The Doctor, Rose, and Captain Jack get yanked into a massive, deadly reality TV show. It turns out the whole thing is a scheme by the same person who was running the newspaper company in The Long Game, who was himself being manipulated by—wait for it—the Daleks. 3/5

1.13, The Parting of the Ways: In a Deus Ex Doctorus to be truly admired, Rose Tyler ascends to godhood by communing with the heart of the TARDIS, which turns out to be the heart of a time vortex, which is...whatever, just go with it. Using her newly-acquired power over life and death, Rose saves the Doctor, resurrects Cap'n Jack, and defeats the bad guys. This causes her such devastating physical damage that she's sure to die, except the Doctor fixes it by kissing her and sucking out the time vortex. This would be bad news...if one of the Doctor's innumerable magical abilities (apart from plot-sensing and perfect intuitive leaps) did not happen to be regenerating. So long, Christopher Eccleston, we hardly knew you. Despite the Deus Ex Doctorus, 4/5

What's Good?

Christopher Eccleston, full stop. Recognizing that he will consistently receive scripts with less lucidity than daytime soap operas, Eccleston flies into his performance, Large-Ham style. There's no shame, and his tongue is distinctly not lodged in his cheek. The performance is, in short, utterly fearless, and it's the most redeeming factor for this season.

What's Bad?

I'll try to hit only the major ones.

Inconsistent magic system. By this I mean any kind of technology that can do extraordinary things, from flying through space and time to generating an impenetrable force field. Doctor Who makes up its rules on the fly, generally pulling the solution to a particular episode's problem out of the Doctor's ear. 
This comes out most egregiously in...

Deus Ex Doctorus. No problem cannot be solved by the Doctor's sudden bursts of ingenuity or his infallible gift for making neutral characters his allies/servants/worshipers/whatever. He almost never fails. This would be acceptable except for the fact that it never costs him anything. He just does stuff and it succeeds. There's no actual struggle involved when the climax shows up; the Doctor magically has everything he needs. This method of resolution is, baldly stated, lazy writing, and it's due in large part to...

Russell T. Davies, who is an abominable screenwriter. The episodes he writes are consistently disappointing, with thoroughly unimpressive villains and even more thoroughly unimpressive resolutions. But even Russell T. Davies cannot compare to...

Rose Tyler. I cannot for the life of me figure out why she exists. She's obnoxious, callous, and generally useless, due in large part to the fact that she does not want anything. All she does is flit around the universe, doing whatever confronts her at the moment and not really worrying about anything else. She has no desires, no skills, and no development. Her sole purpose in life is to orbit the Doctor, get captured, and whine. Even when she's proactive, she's useless. I don't understand what the Doctor sees in her.

So, then...

Is it quality? No. Not consistently.
Is it family-friendly? Again, no, not consistently, if only because it would be criminal to subject minors to the works of Davies. Sorry, that's a vague thought. It should be criminal to subject anyone to the works of Russell T. Davies.
Is it daring? Not really. Doctor Who doesn't really push the boundaries of storytelling in any noticeable or meaningful direction.
What's the rating? For the first season, a very solid 2/10. Would not watch again even under duress. Let us hope the next season redeems its brother, eh? 

Fantastic.

Downton Abbey #1.1


Look at them...so British.


What We Know Going In:

Downton Abbey is British. Very very very British. Most critics drool over it for reasons not yet understood (because, of course, we only just got here). From groundswell, I'm pretty sure it's a show about a bunch of snobby British folks being snobby and British. Oh, also, they're in the early 1900's and Dame Minerva McGonagall is Granny Downton.


The Recap:

Here there be spoilers. If you'd rather skip it, scroll to the Review section. It's quite brief.

Act I: We open with someone typing what I assume to be Morse code over a telegraph (that's how that works, right?). It's a neat trick: we're aware that the time period is way-back-when almost instantaneously. We watch a train moving through some truly gorgeous English countryside, while pretty music plays in the background and the credits of our three-dozen British actors are splayed across the screen. As a filthy Yank, the only name that matters to me is Maggie Smith. One hundred points to Gryffindor!

We're in April 1912, and the telegraph is bad news. (Not being a history buff, I needed Google to make the connection: April 1912 is the month the Titanic sank.) We meet Anna and As-Yet-Nameless Redhead, who look like servants, but are Pretty, so we can assume they'll be Fairly Important. Via a single, long-running shot (a darn impressive feat to filmmakers, I hear), we also meet Mrs. Patmore (the wonderfully curt cook), Daisy (who just can't get anything right to save her soul), Thomas (smooth as snake scales, and just as unsettling), Miss O'Brien (bitter as black coffee), William (who really does try), Mr. Carson the Butler (who Does Not Have Time For Your Nonsense) and Mrs. Hughes (the Distaff Counterpart to Mr. Carson).

That's eight speaking characters just in the opening scene, and not even one of them is of the Family Downton. If the picture didn't get the message across, this is a show with Loads and Loads of Characters.

Finally, seven minutes in, we meet the straight-backed lord of the manor. He talks to Carson about the sinking of the Titanic, and we immediately get a sense for his character with this exchange:

Carson the Butler: "I understand most of the ladies were taken off in time."
Milord: "You mean the ladies in first class? God help the poor devils belowdecks."

It's wonderfully efficient. Seconds after meeting him, we already like this guy, because he cares about the people beneath him.

Next we encounter the Esteemed Ladies of the house: Mary, Blonde Daughter, Concerned Daughter, and Mama Downton (whose accent is distinctly American, albeit 1912 American). We'll cover them later.

Apparently, the telegram brings news that Someone Important died aboard the Titanic. O'Brien takes the time to explain the situation to Pretty Redhead, and (by extension) us.

O'Bitter: "It's worse than a shame. It's a complication.... Mr. Crawley was his lordship's cousin, and heir to the title.... But now Mr. Crawley's dead, and Mr. Patrick was his only son."

There it is, folks: the Inciting Incident. Every story needs a catastrophe to start it off, and this is Downton's. For some reason, this particular death means something bad to everyone in the cast.

Finally, as if we didn't have enough characters, we meet John Bates. He introduces himself as the new valet. If it's anything like my understanding of the word, that could be a problem, because he needs a cane.

Immediately, Bates and Snaky Thomas are at odds, and they're both aware of it even if no one in the house notices. If you watch closely, you'll notice it the second they're introduced, but it's teased out more explicitly later: Bates is taking the job Snaky Thomas wanted. This irritates Snaky Thomas to no end, particularly because of Bates's disability (and because Snaky Thomas is a jerk of truly epic proportions). Of course, Bates's disability gives us little twinges of sympathy, as he's been scarred by the cat.

Next we move to a scene between Milord Robert and Daughter Mary. Once again, the writing in this show is incredibly tight: Mary's first major line is "Does this mean I'll have to go into full mourning?" She was engaged to Mr. Patrick, and now he's dead, and the first thing on her mind is whether she'll have to wear black for a few weeks. Artfully done.

Snaky Thomas shows Gimpy Bates the ropes of the valet job, and Bates takes the time to repeat Downton's thesis: the servants live with "a pirate's hoard within our reach...and none of it's ours, is it?" It neatly reveals Gimpy Bates's philosophical tendencies, while contrasting them to Snaky Thomas's very curt, irritable nature.

Mr. and Mrs. Downton (is that their name? Can I call them that? Wikipedia says that I'm supposed to call them Lord and Lady Grantham, or possibly Mr. and Mrs. Crawley. Can't they just be King Downton and Queen Downton? Silly British titles!) take a stroll across the grounds. Incidentally, "stroll across the grounds" is one of the most innately boring phrases in the history of modern English, so it's to Downton's credit that this scene isn't flat as a board. The Granthams (I suppose I must call them that) discuss the implications of the sunken Titanic. The implication seems to be that the next generation of Granthams won't inherit the house, which is clearly a Big Stinking Deal. But in order to communicate the gravity of the situation, we must bring in

DAME MAGGE SMITH, everybody!

Granny McGonagall hits the ground running with a curmudgeonly, prim-and-proper Dame character. She's blunt, better than everyone in the room, and utterly glorious. There's no doubt anywhere that she will get every single one of the great lines and she will kill them every. single. time.

The interplay between Granny Downton and Mama Cora is wonderful mother-in-law vs. wife stuff—sort of a incredibly high-class version of Debra vs. Marie. It's immediately clear from the way the actresses carry themselves that, in another context, Granny Downton would be criticizing Mama's cooking and the way she raises her kids. As it is, they just continue the expo-speak so that we all get the message: because of the deaths aboard the Titanic, a newcomer is eligible to take over Downton Abbey. They're very clear about the fact that they've been backed into a hole: any attempted solutions would break up the estate and "destroy everything Robert's given his life to." Any attempted solutions, that is, except for "smashing the entail."

Here we encounter one of the difficulties in engaging Downton Abbey as a filthy Yank: I have no idea what "smashing the entail" means. It seems that there are three things inherent in being Lord Grantham: his title, his estate, and his money. Smashing the entail would grant Mary the estate and the money, but would lose the title. I'm still not sure why, but it seems an unsavory option. (But it would cut down on the number of names we need to memorize!)

The servants have lunch and Lord Robert interrupts to say hello to Bates, his old comrade-in-arms. When Lord Robert leaves, and the servants stare at Bates in utter disbelief, all Bates says is, "You never asked." Great line, and a great insight into the character.

Act II: We glimpse a quick scene with Mrs. Patmore and Daisy. As far as I can see, the only reason this scene is included is to show Daisy making eyes at Snaky Thomas and that Mrs. Patmore's not as efficient as she'd like (somebody left poisonous salt on her cooking table, which is shaped just like a Chekhov's Gun: Daisy nearly sends it upstairs to be sprinkled on the chicken). We move straight to Lord Robert being informed about Matthew Crawley, the new heir apparent to Downton Abbey. He's a solicitor ("lawyer" in American) and lives with his mother. Lord Robert looks positively shocked, although it turns out to be because Matthew has a job, not because he lives with his mother.

Lord Robert's friend, Mr. Mustache, continues telling Robert(/us) things he already knows. (You can tell because he prefaces his monologue with "as you know." As you know, you should always be on the lookout for "as you know" in dialogue. With almost no exceptions, it's used to shoehorn exposition into dialogue purely for the audience's benefit. The protagonist really doesn't need it—that's why it's "as you know." The only reason it's been included is for the audience. It may be the first instance of anything less than extraordinary writing, and it's not even a major faux-pas.) It's a pretty rough situation for Lord Robert and his family: they're probably going to lose all their money. Meanwhile, Mary, Edith, and the as-yet-unnamed Third Crawley Daughter argue over proper expression of feelings, a common British issue (zing!). Mary's a regular Ice Queen, Edith hates her for it, and Unnamed Daughter comes across as empathic, if nothing else.

The rest of Act II is largely displaying the various reactions and politics within the house. Thomas and O'Bitter are allied against Bates; Lord Robert and Bates are old pals; Mary's emotionless while Edith hates playing second fiddle to a sister who clearly couldn't care less; and everybody's very involved in the two major events (the loss of the heir and the arrival of the crippled valet). The scenes that stand out are the ones near the end of Act II, and it's precisely because they sharpen the issues at hand.

First, Robert states in no uncertain terms why losing Downton Abbey is an unacceptable loss. It is his third parent and his fourth child. He has no career except caring for the estate. The audience is thrust right into his pathos, finally moving the threat of losing Downton from "vaguely worrying to all the characters" to "an actual, serious problem."

Second, we see Bates overturn a tray. In any other context, that wouldn't be that big a deal, but Brendan Coyle sells Bates's shame over his affliction. Furthermore, it vindicates everyone who's saying that Bates shouldn't be allowed to work at Downton: he can't even pick up a tray.

Act III opens with the impending arrival of some pompous duke who "thinks Mary's prospects have changed." It's stated in no uncertain terms that he's interested in Mary's money—which, again, turns Edith utterly shrew-like. Meanwhile, the whole staff prepares to turn out and welcome the man (except Daisy. Daisy never gets to have any fun). Bates insists upon being there.

The duke shows up, everyone comes out in their best, and SYBIL GETS A NAME! This should not be as big a deal as it felt, but it's good not to have to call her Unnamed Daughter. The duke needs someone to carry his bags, and picks Thomas. Does this feel too convenient? This feels too convenient. The duke lands instantly on Thomas. He even remembers his face. This is very strange, because Duke Pompous does not seem like the sort of man who remembers the faces of servants.

Just before the family goes inside, O'Bitter kicks out Bates's stick. OH NO YOU DIDN'T. Sarah O'Bitter, you are the worst sort of person. In contrast, Anna stays behind to help Mr. Bates to his feet, and they have a short, adorable moment together. (Mark this down as the moment I jumped on the AnBates Ship.)

Duke Pompous and Mary explore the house, and the way Duke Pompous suggests it is chock-full of skeevy. They go upstairs...alone...and the music is going...this is all sorts of bad news. Duke Pompous gives off a vibe like he's looking for a place to be even more alone, which is bad news. Bates shows up and, through humble silence, so unsettles Mary that she leaves skidmarks on her way out.

Sun Room of Lordly Influence. Carson indicates to Lord Robert that maybe Bates is unsuited to the job. He's irritated by Bates's undignified fall earlier that day, as is Mama Cora. Lord Robert hates the idea of flinging his friend out, but it's clear he's being worn down.

Personal Room of Lordly Influence. Lord Robert tells Bates that it's not really up to him anymore; Bates needs to figure something out. He offers Bates a monthly stipend, an offer which Bates shoots down immediately. He will accept wages for a job done, nothing else. The scene becomes unexpectedly gut-wrenching when they both realize there's no other solution but for Bates to leave Downton.

Dinner Table of Awkward Revelations. Edith blabs about the fact that Mary and Duke Pompous were alone in the attics, which causes an instant stir. Granny Downton tries to settle things down, but even her momentous presence can't calm everything. The dinner ends with everyone bustling off in imperious silence. (In American, that's the equivalent of a family shouting match.)

Anna brings dinner to Mr. Bates, who is weeping in his room. It's a stirring scene, one that can only reinforce the shipping between Anna and Bates. If Bates does end up leaving, then this scene is superfluous, so we can conclude safely that Bates will be back later. He's too cathartic to lose.

Dinner Table of Awkward Revelations again, and Lord Robert tells Duke Pompous that he "won't fight the entail," which is code for "Mary's not worth millions anymore." He goes on to explain that when Duke Pompous marries her, though, her wedding settlement will be respectable, and Duke Pompous backtracks, saying, "I hope I haven't given the wrong impression." Lord Robert fixes him in a thousand-yard stare and says "You know very well what you were doing when you came here," and I swear I hear thunder rolling in the background as he speaks. (I can only conclude that Lord Robert is the god of thunder.)

Duke Pompous disentangles himself from any intention of marriage, which only further enrages Lord Robert (and the thunderstorm he has unconsciously summoned). Mary the Ice Princess gets the news directly from Duke Pompous that he's not interested anymore, and Edith appears from nowhere to mock her.

Edith: "Looks like he slipped the hook."
Mary: "At least I'm not fishing with no bait."

Wow. Right for the jugular, eh, Icy?

Thomas helps Duke Pompous undress, and finally everything comes to light. Thomas was telegraphing Duke Pompous, intending for him to wed Mary and take the inheritance. It would have the added benefit of allowing Thomas and Duke Pompous to be in the same house—a benefit, since they're romantically involved. Duke Pompous was planning to give Thomas a swanky new position, but he's having second thoughts about their relationship. Thomas becomes darkly angry, threatening to expose Duke Pompous as actually being Duke FABULOUS. Duke Fabulous gets a very knowing smile and pulls out Thomas's blackmail, which he must have procured during his attic field trip with Mary. He throws it into the fire, and THOMAS FINALLY LOSES AT SOMETHING. Duke Fabulous gets MVP for this episode, purely for putting Snaky Thomas back in his place.

Sunrise the next morning, Bates and Duke Fabulous are headed out of Downton. Duke Fabulous's lines suggest to me that his first concern was always Thomas's letters; Mary was just a potential bonus. For him, the trip was a success. For all that he's such a winner, he's also a despicable human being.

The car starts to pull away, and then Lord Robert yells, "Wait!" And he runs. He runs. Only for like three feet, but he moved suddenly, and with intent. That's basically a tearful reunion, translated into American. Appropriately, Lord Robert's last line in this episode is, "It wasn't right, Carson. I just didn't think it was right." There he is, folks: the Hero of the story. When the world is suddenly saved from catastrophe, everyone's going to look behind them and see Robert Crawley wrestling the world's demons on his own.

The episode closes with Matthew Crawley receiving mail from Lord Robert, who "wants to change our lives."

The Review: 


This is an utterly outstanding piece of television, at least from the lowly perspective I can bring. The writing is tight and efficient, the characters sharply drawn out, and the drama effectively communicated.

If Downton has a flaw, it's in the translation from British to American. There's quite a lot of friction while getting across the pond. Yanks may have difficulty understanding why Robert is so distinctly opposed to losing the title and/or the estate, since, frankly, the dude has more names than he can feasibly handle anyway. Added to that is the fact that not much American television incorporates 20 main characters.

So, then....

Is it quality? YES
Is it family-friendly? For this first episode, not quite. Skip that last scene, though, and everything comes up roses.
Is it daring? Yes. This show is proof-positive that the high concept really doesn't matter, as long as it's carried out powerfully. "Let's watch some snobby Brits be British and snobby in the early 1900s" does not strike me as a million-dollar idea, but it's clearly being done well.
What's the rating? 9.8/10. Would watch, again and again and again.

Save the Cat! and Other Cheap Tricks to Make Characters Likable

One of the great struggles in storytelling is making relatable characters. Essentially, it's a balancing act: on the one hand, the character cannot be too pedestrian, lest he be unworthy of being a protagonist. People don't watch television to see normal people, even when they watch reality TV: they want people who are, in some way, extraordinary or outrageous.

On the other hand, though, characters who are too extraordinary or outrageous quickly become boring or obnoxious (respectively). It's tough enough to get people to like real people—how on earth should one go about making them like fictional ones?

Blake Snyder wrote Save the Cat! in an attempt to give us some answers on the subject. His thesis is straightforward: early in our relationship with the character, have him do something that shows a spark of goodness, often an act of textbook heroism. "Saving the cat," if you will.

This is well and good, and it's worked for screenwriters since time out of mind. Once you know the trope exists, it's impossible to miss it. It shows up in Aladdin, when Al gives his stolen apple to another homeless kid. (We get almost exactly the same moment in Wreck-It Ralph, when Ralph gives his stolen cherry to the homeless Q*bert.) A willingness to save the cat is often what makes the hero feel heroic right from the get-go (even when the hero in question is a little rough around the edges).

However, I would posit that it's not the only way to make a protagonist. A quick trick to make a character likable (if not necessarily heroic) is to show that he's been scarred by the cat.

Because, honestly, cats are evil, and even if you save them they might try to rip your eyes out.

A character with visible marks of a hard life is immediately likable, provided he isn't bitter about it. Bitterness can work as a character trait, but audiences generally take a while to warm up to bitter characters. Folks who have clearly been mistreated, though, are often liked purely because we pity them. Never underestimate the value of pity.

This is the reason the Harry Potter fandom is so incredibly fond of Neville Longbottom. He's the universe's personal butt-monkey: perpetually inept, socially incapable, black sheep of a noble family, and deprived of parental love to boot. Nothing has gone his way, ever. Yet we Potterheads love him dearly, because Neville never lets it beat him into submission. This is the critical difference. Had he let it pummel him into giving up, we wouldn't be nearly so fond of him.

(Incidentally, showing that a character has been scarred by the cat is the most popular method of making us care about the villain.)

There you have it. If you're writing a character and nobody seems to like him, check to see: has he shown any sparks of goodness? Or, lacking that, has it been made clear that life has taken great pains to beat the character up?

Have you noticed any particularly egregious examples of Saving the Cat, Being Scarred by the Cat, Kicking the Cat, Feeding the Cat, or Otherwise Interacting with the Cat in things you read or watch? What about examples where they don't do this? How has it affected what you think of the characters?